What even is a soulmate? And do you have one? Do you have two? Do you have an unlimited amount? Will you even meet a soulmate in this lifetime or the next one?
I have so many questions around this idea of a soulmate, myself, and I’m an expert in this crazy dating world! I can only imagine that you have some questions as well. As with many topics surrounding dating, there is no right or wrong, and I’d welcome your thoughts on the topic.
Let’s start with my opinion, and I don’t think soulmates exist. I think the idea of a soulmate put so much pressure on single people who are trying to date and find a committed relationship. The whole idea of “the one” is inhibiting singles from having an open-mind in dating. It comes back to the idea of abundance versus scarcity. Looking for “the one” leads to a scarcity mindset, because in your mind, there’s only one singular person for you out there. You might spend your entire life looking for that person, and how will you know when you find them? How will you not fall prey to thinking that you could still find something better?
I did some research, and the concept of a “soulmate” dates back as far as 360 B.C.E. Plato writes about the concept of soulmates and attributes it to Zeus – saying that he split men in half to humble them and to take half of their power away. Then, these men spent their whole life looking for their “other half” so that they could have all their power. As you can see, this concept has evolved over time – where now people spend their whole lives searching for this “other half.” According to Plato, when you find this other, you will be overcome with love and joy. Sounds like Plato wrote the first rom com! Full of unrealistic expectations. If you need to stick with this concept of a “soulmate” then it will be easier to come at this concept from an abundance mindset – that there are multiple potential soulmates for you in the world. It’s just a matter of timing and finding the right person for that point in your life.
If you do find this person you want to be with, what will it feel like? It likely won’t be an amazing, blow-your-socks-off kind of connection. This person just needs to value the same things you do and of course you should have some physical attraction both ways. Your partner doesn’t have to like mountain biking as much as you do. They don’t have to watch the same TV shows you do either. They just need to value the same things you do in life. I want to give you an example from my own life. My husband and I don’t really share that many interests or hobbies. I would rather spend my Saturdays waking up early, going to a workout class, organizing, cleaning, meal prepping and being social. While he would rather sleep in, read and watch football. Imagine if we looked at the description of our ideal Saturdays and checked for compatibility… we would never have been set up on a date by a matchmaker. When you drill down to values we align and we will take an interest in each other’s interests as well – crazy!
Before you swipe left on that guy that doesn’t have the same ski pass as you, take a second thought to think if you might be swiping left on someone you could have an amazing connection with. Before you rule someone out because they’re one inch out of your height range, think again. By having so many people at our finger tips, we’ve become greedy. We’ve started to think that the grass is always greener and that there’s always someone better. I’m telling you right now, if you found someone who you enjoy spending time with, you feel comfortable with, you feel physically attracted to and you feel curious to get to know more… KEEP THEM AROUND!
As you’re searching for someone… swipe right on someone you normally wouldn’t, check out that new meetup, throw yourself in a matchmaker’s database (or even hire one!) and try something new. This is my challenge to you… explore something unknown. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results. The same applies in dating – try something different, approach it differently or change your mindset. If you need help along the way, you know that I’m here for you and happy to help, support and be a resource to you.